Can you say epiphany?! All great thoughts…happen in the shower. For all my bloggy pals and blog readers, I think about you all a lot. I think about what you’ve said and what I’ll say and what she said he said. Just ask my husband. He gets to hear about it.
So, I was in the shower today taking my sweet and merry time. JJ was in his swing hopefully going to sleep and Lily was in her bed hopefully continuing to sleep. If they weren’t sleeping, who cares! I’m in the shower! And we all know how I feel about showers, right?
Shall we go back to the thinking? I was thinking about some recent folks I have encountered (in real life as well as the blogosphere), blogs I have read, and goals Nate and I have for our family. For several weeks now, I have had the urge or felt the push to go towards a more theological approach to my blog. I just was not sure how or if it was too deep. I have readers from very different perspectives. There are Christians, believers, atheists, and even a pagan or two. (Yes, I term Christians and believers as two different things sometimes…more on that another day!) When I first started blogging, I did not follow many Christian blogs, or at least blogs that blogged about being a Christian. Through Tony C, I found Abundantly Living and Fire and Grace. And through Abundantly Living I found Psalm 104:24. I really enjoyed reading their blogs. They were really thought provoking and I wanted more. So, I journeyed out on a blog hop and found some other great blogs I mentioned a few days ago.
Anyhow. As I was showering, I thought to myself, “Where should Finding Michelle… go?” Wait a minute… let me take a detour.
If you recall, Tony C is whom I turned to when I decided to start a blog. (Read about that here. It's kind of funny!) And once again, his words echo in my head, “Your name is important. Take your time and think about it.” Well, geez, Tony! I don’t take my time for anything. If I get it in my head it’s done within a few hours if not minutes. Just ask Nate. He’ll tell you a story about how one day he was pressure washing the back deck, and when he turned around I had over half the rails knocked off. What can I say I wanted new deck railings! And then there is the time he came home and most of the carpet in the house had been ripped up and thrown out. Like I said, I’m not much of a time taker. Anyways, Finding Michelle…was fine for what I was going for. And still is…but back on track.
As I was showering, I thought to myself, “Where should Finding Michelle… go?” And then it all hit me. The purpose of this blog was to find myself outside motherhood. It was to be an outlet and a tracking of my journey to reclaim my identity. And in my head all I could hear was “deny self, deny self, deny self.” And then it all came together for me. Did God use motherhood as away for me to die and for Christ to live in me? When I became a mother, most if not all of my worldly affections were put aside. I let go of my image. And for a woman, her image cracks up to a lot of other worldly affections whether it be exercising, shopping, and/or other hobbies.
So here I am trying to find Michelle when I really need to be losing her.
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25