Tuesday, December 8, 2009

God Let Me See

As I reach for a double dose of caffeine this morning, I am still rejoicing over the experience God gave me last night. I am so convicted and so broken. My eyes are open and I can see how far away from God I truly am. It’s easy to feel close to God when you are surrounded with worldliness and shallow Christianity. Last night I met with a group of women who are truly amazing and they give all the glory to God.

My entrance into this group came from an interest in homeschooling. A friend of a friend suggested that I come to a Mom’s group that meets once a month and just happened to be at her house this month. I was very on board from the beginning due to my search for other Christian women to be a part of my life in some way.

As the night began and all of the women arrived, the diverse group was somewhat quiet and reserved. On this particular evening, the forum was open and there was no specific topic. I listened as the women spoke back and forth about their homes and their schools. My insides leaped for joy as I listened about their daily times with God as a family, about their children glorifying God in all they do, and about not having excuses for sin. When the hostess asked if I had anything on my mind…well, you know me. Of course, I had something on my mind; I had many things on my mind. And she really set me up when she said it could be about anything… worship, family…whatever. I shared the walk and the struggle we have had to find people who wanted to speak about God and how we felt so alone. I shared how hard it’s been to separate when we are drowning in the world. I shared how in awe I was to hear and see a group of women be such examples of the role women have in Christian families.

And then it began…God blessed me and blessed me and blessed me through this group of women. My heart ached from conviction as I listened to their stories of tragedy and how they rejoiced in what God is doing in their lives. No matter how hard the circumstances were they faced, they acknowledged God’s sovereignty and how they cannot doubt what God is doing…even through the death of their own children. Their prayers were so honest about our selfishness and wickedness.

Through their conversations and prayers, I realized how I hold my children as idols above God. I realized how my role within my family is very far from where God wants me to be. I realized how my housework is more important than my time with God and leading my children up in the way they should go.

I found a group of women where my spirit can find rest. I found a place where God is the conversation and I don’t feel awkward because talk is of clothes and homes and stuff.

Thank you God for how you used these women to convict me and open my eyes. Forgive me for my evilness and my vanity. Thank you for allowing me to have the ability to see who I am…

8 comments:

J.Rat. said...

You "luhuv" comments? Heh. I just finished reading a book by Francis Chan, "Crazy Love." It's about God's crazy love for us and how we don't walk the talk. Actually really good book, not too much of "You suck as a Christian", but enough to self-analyze." I'm also reading one called "The Reason for God." I think the last name of the author is Keller. I like this one because one of the things I sit with is the washing out of the Christian faith...some of what we talked about earlier on through FB messages. I'm not too far in it, but it's heady enough for me to get my intellectualism engaged, but after reading Crazy/Love, I'm trying to get the head stuff back down to the heart stuff. Problem for me is this. I want stuff to make sense, I rationalize, and I want to be mentally challenged. Faith, is faith. It's more art and less science. It doesn't even have science backing up the art, such as color theory and stuff. Faith is heart, not head. I like the ancient Hebrew understanding of the body: the heart is the seat of all knowledge, not the head. Keep finding Michelle, you'll run into her sometime.

Rebecca B said...

I love you my friend! God is awesome!!

Tracy said...

So glad to read how God's blessed you with this group of women and is working in your heart and life. We serve such and incredible God.

I understand the need for intimate connection with other women. We moved here about 3yrs ago and didn't know anyone. I'd been praying that God would show me how to reach out and connect me with other women. About a year ago I was approached about facilitating a small group Bible study in my home for women, which I gladly agreed to do. It's been such a blessing to be a part of this group; we've all gotten to know each other and be there for one another as we've gone through various things this year and we've been able to encourage one another and hold one another accountable.

We really need one another in the body.

Lela said...

Hold on tightly to those Godly women! I don't know what I would do without my "Prayer-Warrior Girlfriends"!

Marisa said...

WOW!!! That is amazing! I am so happy for you. That is truly joyous!!!

David said...

Interesting how easy it is to find ourselves apart from God in thought - it even gets worse once we lose Him frm our thoughts.

Family and relationship are the most important thing in my life - well, except for my times of worship praying, listening to music, writing my blog, or working - yes my work is a form of worship that requires communication with my King. Now if I could just turn my commute into a way to commune with the Master, I'd have a perfect life.

As I was reading your personal revelation of divine connection through His people and their stories, I think of the alabaster box. In order to release that which God has given us, we must be broken. This requires enough force to break open the box. If there is not enough force, we simply become damaged.

Peace.

Amanda said...

That is so so awesome! Finding a supportive group of homeschool families is great. You'll find that you lean on them a lot, especially the first year! Finding a group of strong Christians is so great - again, you'll find yourself leaning on them often! BTW, I'm following your blog now...I love reading it!

Tony C said...

That's great news Michelle. You are a very social person by nature, so I'm glad you found a group where you are comfortable right off. That's a good sign.

David and I want to come to the next meeting. Do I bring cookies or crumpets? That will tell me how to dress too...