God Let Me See

As I reach for a double dose of caffeine this morning, I am still rejoicing over the experience God gave me last night. I am so convicted and so broken. My eyes are open and I can see how far away from God I truly am. It’s easy to feel close to God when you are surrounded with worldliness and shallow Christianity. Last night I met with a group of women who are truly amazing and they give all the glory to God.

My entrance into this group came from an interest in homeschooling. A friend of a friend suggested that I come to a Mom’s group that meets once a month and just happened to be at her house this month. I was very on board from the beginning due to my search for other Christian women to be a part of my life in some way.

As the night began and all of the women arrived, the diverse group was somewhat quiet and reserved. On this particular evening, the forum was open and there was no specific topic. I listened as the women spoke back and forth about their homes and their schools. My insides leaped for joy as I listened about their daily times with God as a family, about their children glorifying God in all they do, and about not having excuses for sin. When the hostess asked if I had anything on my mind…well, you know me. Of course, I had something on my mind; I had many things on my mind. And she really set me up when she said it could be about anything… worship, family…whatever. I shared the walk and the struggle we have had to find people who wanted to speak about God and how we felt so alone. I shared how hard it’s been to separate when we are drowning in the world. I shared how in awe I was to hear and see a group of women be such examples of the role women have in Christian families.

And then it began…God blessed me and blessed me and blessed me through this group of women. My heart ached from conviction as I listened to their stories of tragedy and how they rejoiced in what God is doing in their lives. No matter how hard the circumstances were they faced, they acknowledged God’s sovereignty and how they cannot doubt what God is doing…even through the death of their own children. Their prayers were so honest about our selfishness and wickedness.

Through their conversations and prayers, I realized how I hold my children as idols above God. I realized how my role within my family is very far from where God wants me to be. I realized how my housework is more important than my time with God and leading my children up in the way they should go.

I found a group of women where my spirit can find rest. I found a place where God is the conversation and I don’t feel awkward because talk is of clothes and homes and stuff.

Thank you God for how you used these women to convict me and open my eyes. Forgive me for my evilness and my vanity. Thank you for allowing me to have the ability to see who I am…