Balance is often hard for me. I put my all into activities and ideas. I am by no means the best at what I do, but I work hard to accomplish things in a good manner. This week Martha and Mary have laid heavy on my heart and mind. I was cleaning up some things and saw where Lily had learned the story of Martha and Mary welcoming Jesus into their home. As I asked her again about what she learned in Sunday School, I’m sure my mind was a million miles away. My mind was on the kitchen and the potty room and what J.J. could possibly getting into at the time. As I half-heartedly told her my own version of the story, I literally remember sarcastically mumbling under my breath as I worked, “I could be a little more like Mary and a little less like Martha.”
Even when I just had Lily I struggled with the balance between homemaking and spending time with her. If I was cleaning I felt like I needed to be in the floor with her and if I was in the floor with her I was thinking of what needed to be done and wandering if I should let her alone to become an independent player. When J.J. arrived, the balance became even more out of whack on some days. Either way, the situation and she turned out pretty much fine. She loves to have us there with her, but she can also find ways to entertain herself.
As I have gone through the week though, I’ve realized my inability at times to just let go and be, to stop what I am doing and focus on where I am. I believe sometimes even though I’m there with my children, I can tend to become disconnected and not really be there.
Martha was so concerned with making her Guest comfortable, she neglected to enjoy His presence. As I tarry about this home, I focus on always doing the right thing and keeping up with this image in my head of who I should be. As I do this, I fail to enjoy those in my presence…even when the One of my presence is the One that matters most.
I pray that God can move my heart to be able to find physical, mental, and spiritual rest from the worldly concerns that keep me from having a spirit like Mary’s.
As I dealt with this even today, I was blessed to find spiritual uplifting from Raising Arrows when Amy wrote about The Perfect Mom.