Seeds of Tears

I keep reading and hearing about how I’m supposed to be a joyful mother. I search and pray for contentment…yet lack the joy I want my children to see and experience from their mother. Sometimes I want to chop it up to genetics, but know that it is the sin of discontentment. (Or maybe I’m just tired.)

Either way, I decided to do a word study to make sure these folks were telling me the truth…that I should be joyful. Using my concordance I find the word “joy” 155 times in scripture…and this does not include the word “joyful.” As I begin my study on joy, something rings a bell…

“Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” Psalms 126:5, 6

And I see it…I go forth with tears, weeping. I pray over my children and tears flow out. I fail. They fail. And only God can save us. I beg and plead and pray for Him to deliver us. And I must realize, this is the beginning of the harvest.  I must step back and work. Sometimes there won’t be joy…but in the end joy has been promised.

Suffering saints have a seedness of tears. They are in tears often; they share in the calamities of human life, and commonly have a greater share in them than others. But they sow in tears; they do the duty of an afflicted state and so answer the intentions of the providences they are under. Weeping must not hinder sowing; when we suffer ill we must be doing well. Nay, as the ground is by the rain prepared for the seed, and the husbandman sometimes chooses to sow in the wet, so we must improve times of affliction, as disposing us to repentance, and prayer, and humiliation. Nay, there are tears which are themselves the seed that we must sow, tears of sorrow for sin, our own and others, tears of sympathy with the afflicted church, and the tears of tenderness in prayer and under the word. These are precious seed, such as the husbandman sows when corn is dear and he has but little for his family, and therefore weeps to part with it, yet buries it under ground, in expectation of receiving it again with advantage. Thus does a good man sow in tears. They shall have a harvest of joy. The troubles of the saints will not last always, but, when they have done their work, shall have a happy period. The captives in Babylon were long sowing in tears, but at length they were brought forth with joy, and then they reaped the benefit of their patient suffering, and brought their sheaves with them to their own land, in their experiences of the goodness of God to them. Job, and Joseph, and David, and many others, had harvests of joy after a sorrowful seedness. Those that sow in the tears of godly sorrow shall reap in the joy of a sealed pardon and a settled peace. Those that sow to the spirit, in this vale of tears, shall of the spirit reap life everlasting, and that will be a joyful harvest indeed. Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be for ever comforted. (Matthew Henry Commentary on the Whole Bible; Psalms 126:4-6)

Contentment and Joy

Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness… Galatians 5:22

As my mind wanders doing my daily tasks, I find myself lacking. I wonder how I can strive for joy and contentment? Is it within me to strive or can only God provide me with the two things I long for the most?

As I realize the wash has stopped, there is another load of clothes to fold, dishes in the sink, and dinner to be prepared. I say out loud to my husband, who is home for a quick lunch, “It never stops.” And later when I’m putting away clothes and the children are napping, I realize again how I lack joy and contentment and what I said to my dear husband was wrong. The service I give to my family is all in vain if I find no joy…if I do it out of duty and not out of love will I ever win their hearts?

So, I go back to my original question…can I strive for joy and contentment or is this something God must work in me? Where is the balance between His work and my responsibility? Is it that God shows me those things I lack so I continuously come back to His grace?

When I find myself burdened by the same daily tasks, consumed with the thoughts of how I could run this home better, and how my children could be more obedient if I would just do something different…I’m telling Him He is not sufficient. I’m telling Him His grace is not sufficient. I’m telling Him…I need more than Him.

Contentment. Joy.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10