My heart aches and I feel like David calling out to God through his psalms. I am at such a loss as to why in one “religion” there can be so many views and so many ways. I get so caught up sometimes in knowing Truth that at the end of the day I just want to throw up my hands and say, “I quit!”
As I sat here today and cried and prayed, I realized my heart and soul does not long for God for my own salvation but to know Him. I just simply want to know who He is. And on days like today, I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and going nowhere. The moment I feel like I’m gaining traction, I slam into yet another wall.
I see facades of Christianity all around me. I see people that have walked the same path for years never questioning why they are on the road they are on…even if it’s the path that leads to destruction. I hear and see of this supernatural spirituality that just does not happen to me or seem real to me. I beg God to open my eyes and to let me see Him.
I just want to give up. I want to close The Book and walk away. But then I try to imagine my life without Him, and I realize without Him it would all fall apart. As I cry out to Him in prayer, He calls back in my mind and says, “There is a way that seems right to man…” And then it’s gone. I have to literally look the scripture up to see if it is scripture. “There is a way that seems right to man, But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 16:25.
I have no idea why this scripture came to mind during this time of prayer. I have never memorized this scripture; and for that matter, God has never really spoke to me this way. And as I sit here writing this, I think maybe it is God’s way of telling me I’m relying more on man than God to get me to the right path...