Wednesday, October 21, 2009

When Just A Hug Is Not Enough

Let me start by saying, I have a wonderful husband. There is absolutely nothing I should complain about. (Note: I said should, not that I actually don’t complain. There are several things I complain about on a daily basis, but that does not mean I should.) My darling husband loves to hug and touch. Those who truly know me know I’m not much of a touchy-feely type person. It takes awhile for me to warm up. Granted, after six years of marriage I’ve warmed up to hugging, but just a hug is not enough for my big guy.

It’s a family thing. The first time I met Nate’s family was a true initiation. I thought I would be meeting his parents and grandparents for a Wednesday evening at church. Little did I know, Granny lives BY the church and every person in the immediate as well as extended family either attend the church or go to Granny’s to eat after church. And every one of those people, like to hug… whether they know you or not. I felt as if I was in an episode of the twilight zone. (Honestly, I sometimes still feel like I’m in an episode of the twilight zone.) My discomfort level at that moment was off the charts. I’ve managed to accept the hugging over the years. Now after Sunday dinner or cookouts, I can handle hugs. Sometimes though, I can manage to sneak away with only a couple.

Let us get back to Nate’s hugs. I like hugs. Quick hugs. Nate, however, I swear would stand in one spot hugging me for hours. I have no idea how he manages to block everything going on around him to enjoy that moment. I wish I could do that, not just with hugs, but also in every moment.

This is the story of our hugs. Nate comes by and grabs me, usually when I’m washing dishes, cooking, or cleaning something, anything. Heck, JJ could be hanging upside down off the changing table and he would want a hug. So, I hug him because I know this makes him happy. I’m ready to move on and he continues to hug. So, I stay to give him a little more of what he needs. Meanwhile, my brain is racing as I look around. I see Lily about to conk JJ in the head with a hard object, JJ is crying because he needs a diaper change, I have a little time and I still need to fold some laundry, finish these dishes, and the pasta is boiling over! Oh dear God, I could even be going to the bathroom to pee right now! He continues to hold on!! I KNOW he is doing this because he can sense how antsy I am right now!

Antsy or not, I have a problem. I’ve forgotten how to live in the moment. I don’t know how to realize that the kids aren’t dying and the chores can be done tomorrow. Or even in 30 seconds, because really, even though the hug seems like an eternity, it’s probably not even a minute. This is my mommy problem. I’m so caught up in order that I can’t stop to appreciate what is around me. There’s always something to do and even that few seconds is too much for me to spare. I have a great husband, who most women would love to have, but mommyhood comes first and being a wife comes last. And I know for my babies AND my husband, it would be best if I moved that wife thing up to the front, at least a little…

Um… this was supposed to be about the funny awkwardness of our hugs. I apologize for the change in tone it underwent! I guess when we try to laugh at ourselves we sometimes see the truth.


Tony C said...

I started laughing after the second sentence because I knew...Here it comes!

Hug your hub Shell! It's a very small sacrifice for your comfort-zone to make. By the way, it should be God, spouse then children according to my Bible...I'm just saying.

I'm still laughing thinking about you at Granny's house during a hugfest.

Michelle said...

Thanks, Tony. You are right about God should be first.

BTW- There's LOTS of hugfests... LOTS.

Jenna said...

Well, look at the bright side. It could be worse. At least they're not ass slappers. Those get ME! Visiting from MBC...


Jenna said...

Hey ladybird, it's rare that I land on a blog and end up reading more than just the first post. Well done! In fact, I'm giving you my "Dicth Pick" award! Come to my site to copy it off, it has your name on it...
P.S I redid it blue to match your blog! Keep the posts comming

Michelle said...

Lovin' the award!

Tonya said...

this is such a beautiful blog...i went immediately frol laughter to really touched me w/this one

Marisa said...

Change your mind. Hug your husband. These are so much easier said than done.

I agree that the order should be God, spouse, children. If God's not first then your family is out of wack. If you and your spouse are out of wack then your kids will be screwed up.

So you're not a touchy feely what. That's you. There's no rule that says the touchy feely person wins (and I'm a touchy feely person), but instead maybe we should just meet people where they are. Nate accepts you. You accept Nate. He doesn't hug you probably as much as he wants, but you still let him hug you. It's compromise.

Learning to live in the moment is HARD....HARD...HARD. I'm not a wife or a mother, but I used to be, and let me tell you, being single with no one else to be responsible for does NOT make it easier to live and enjoy "the moment".

I will say this...the dishes CAN wait, and that is something that I wish I would have grasped when I was a wife and mother. I would have played a lot harder, and spent a lot more time on the floor.

Don't be so hard on yourself.