You were the first man to ever break my heart. I’ve spent years trying to learn how to let go of you, but only end up clinging to you with all I have. I know if I let go, than you’re probably gone. I’ve seen you walk away too many times to think otherwise.
When I was a little girl your presence could light up my world. As I grew older, how I longed for you to smile at me and with me. I lived each and every day in denial. In my world there was hope that you were the person who loved me just as much as I wanted you to. Now as an adult, I still fight to let go of the person who is not there…and never was. My hope in you will not fade no matter how many times you break my heart.
It wasn’t long before our roles reversed. Instead of the king embracing the princess, the princess had to carry the king. Each and every time you fall, I am the first there to pick you up. And no matter how far I carry you, I am just an inch short of what you want and it is all in vain.
I am thirty-one now and you are still breaking my heart. My children have seen me cry and sob too many times when you have hurt me. As I try again to contemplate letting go, I ask my prince if I will have to deal with the pain the rest of my life? Will the heartache of not having you although you are alive ever go away?
The children are in the next room playing as I stand at the sink and clean up from lunch. They don’t hear me as I turn my back to the sink and bury my face into a towel and just sob because I hurt so much. I return to the sink and the sound of a little voice catches my attention. I look up to see two faces in the other room looking at me. “What’s wrong, Mommy?”
“It’s OK, Baby. Somebody just hurt Mommy’s heart.”
And she says, “Oh. You want to play cards, Mommy?”
“Of course, I do.”
The pain may never go away and this may be a battle I fight until you are gone. But, I have my own prince and princess now. And there is a King in my life that will never forsake me. And my hope in Him will get me through this.
